The Return
by twbird18
Summary: Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Return  
  
Author:twbird18  
  
Rating:PG  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Harm or Mac. Never did. Never will. And I'm a poor grad student who owes thousands of dollars so if you sue me all you'll get is me declaring bankruptcy :-)   
  
Spoilers: anything  
  
Summary:Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other  
  
Email: twbird18@yahoo.com   
  
Author's note: I haven't written anything in a while and have kind of had this idea floating around in my head for a while. Feedback is appreciated. I will try to get the rest of the story finished shortly.  
  
'I'm glad we're finally back' I think to myself. 'It was a pretty long ride with Harm barely speaking to me. I wish he would tell me what is bothering him now.' "It's good to finally be home Harm. I'm glad the hospital released us both at the same time so we could come home together."  
  
"I guess." Harm answered shrugging, "Let me get your bags for you. You shouldn't be carrying them yet."   
  
Climbing out of the car, I head for my apartment with Harm following close behind carrying the bags. Opening the door, I toss my keys on the table and kick off my shoes before turning to thank Harm. "Thanks for carrying my bags up. It feels good to finally be somewhere that isn't moving."  
  
Acknowledging my thanks with a nod, Harm drops my bag inside the door to my bedroom before sitting down on the sofa.   
  
"I'll see if I can't get us something to drink." I say heading into the kitchen and returning after a moment with two glasses of water. Handing one glass to Harm I say, "Here you go. Sorry, it's the only thing I have left. Guess I'll have to hit the store in the morning. It's a good thing that we got back on a Friday. At least we have the weekend before we have to go back to JAG." I continue talking trying to fill the silence because Harm still isn't speaking. I wonder why he didn't just go home if he wasn't going to talk to me. "It'll be good to get back. I have to admit that I missed it. Think we'll have any interesting cases when we return?"  
  
"I don't know what kind of cases you'll have, but I won't be getting any." Harm says in reply, not bothering to explain why he would have any cases.  
  
"Of course you will. I'm sure there are plenty of cases piling up with the Admiral missing not just me unexpectedly but then having to send you to come find me." 'Why would he think that he won't have any cases? Sometimes, I just don't know what this man is thinking.'  
  
"There probably are, but I still won't be getting any of them, Mac." Harm says crossly.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because Mac, the Admiral didn't send me to find you. In fact, he ordered me not too. I resigned my commission to come find you. That means..." Harm starts to respond.  
  
"You what!?" I interrupt, shocked. I'm beginning to see why he stayed and why he's been so quiet.  
  
"I resigned my commission when the Admiral wouldn't let me come after you."  
  
"Harm, what were you thinking? Maybe the Admiral won't accept it. You can't just leave JAG on some whim." I begin to say trying to make sense of what he just told me.  
  
"A whim? You were lost and needed my help. If it had been me, I know you would have done the same thing. You have followed me all over the place. It's about time that I returned the favor." Harm says, giving me a lopsided grin. "You once asked me what I would give up for you, but you never waited for my answer. I guess now you know. It's too bad you couldn't wait for me. I guess that's part of our problem. You're never willing to wait for me." Harm says in an offhanded manner.  
  
"What are you talking about? Wait for you? I've been waiting 8 years for you to make up your mind. Let's not..." I start to say let's not talk about this now, wanting to stay focused on the problem at hand and not get sidetracked with our biggest problem right now, but Harm interrupts me before I can finish.  
  
"Really, well you could have fooled me. Seems like there's always some other guy that you go running to every time it even looks as if we might have a chance at working things out. I guess I should have known that the reason you didn't want to talk to me before you left is because you already knew that you had someone else and didn't need me." Harm says a little bitterly.  
  
"Someone else? What are you talking about? How can there be someone else when there isn't even an us? What do you mean me running away? Every time I even approach you, you get scared and start running the opposite direction, usually straight into the arms of some other woman." I answer starting to grow a little angry before taking a deep breathe and trying to calm down.  
  
"There isn't an us? There is, you know it and I know it. Just because you're never willing to admit it doesn't mean it's not there and I'm not running, I haven't been in a long time. You just haven't bothered to notice. I've been right here waiting for you to realize that our beginning really was the beginning of something new, different from what we used to have. Instead, you're the one running into the arms of someone else. At least I have sense enough to realize that I could never be completely happy with anyone else and don't jump head first into a committed relationship with every woman I meet." Harm answers loudly. "You NEVER wait and you never listen to what I'm trying to say to you."  
  
" I never wait? Look who's talking. Of course you don't have any committed relationship, you just hop from person to person. Not even bothering to try and make something work. And there is no one else, Harm. Why do you keep saying that?" I contests hotly.  
  
"Oh, so now you're just kissing any man who comes along and it's not supposed to mean anything to me. I saw you Mac. I saw you kissing Clayton Webb." Harm says his voice growing quieter, sounding a little hurt.  
  
I sigh softly finally understanding that Harm's silence and anger isn't just about leaving JAG, "Harm, that was nothing. I was just trying to make Webb feel better about what had happened. How was I supposed to now that you would see us and jump to the wrong conclusion and how was I supposed to know that you weren't running anymore. We've never even talked about it."  
  
"We never talk about it, because you're always putting me off. You never think I'm taking anything seriously between us. Admit it. Not only don't you see that things are different now, I haven't seen anyone since the Video Princess and I have tried to talk to you about it but you never want to listen, but you also thought that the only reason I came after you was because the Admiral sent me. I can't believe that after all this time, you thought that I wouldn't come and look for you no matter what anyone else told me. You can't even begin to imagine what I had to do in order to find you." Harm says yelling at me, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.  
  
"That because you've hardly said two words to me since you found out I was okay and we started our trip home. It's always the same Harm. You never want to talk to me except when I don't have time to listen to you. I didn't ignore you before I left on this mission, I didn't have time to talk with you about what you wanted to talk about. I've waited almost a year for you to do something that would say this time was different, but you haven't. We just go along pretending like everything is great between us, as if we are right where we want to be even though we both know it's not true." I answer almost as loud as him.  
  
"You never said anything to me either. I assumed that if you wanted things to be different you would let me know. Instead, you keep disappearing and I have to keep going after you. I thought you must need time after Mic left. How was I supposed to know that you didn't need more time. I waited as long as I could Sarah. I didn't want you to leave again without talking, but you didn't have time." Harm says a little more calmly now. "Besides, that wasn't the first time I tried to talk to you or the first time I've followed you. It's just like old time except now I'm the one trying to keep you safe instead of the other way around. I followed you before, you know I did, but you weren't ready to hear me. How am I supposed to know what you're thinking. I can't read your mind you know."  
  
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.  
  
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."  
  
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."  
  
"Okay."  
  
End Part 1 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Return Author: twbird18 Rating: PG Disclaimer: Don't own Harm or Mac. Never did. Never will. And I'm a poor grad student who owes thousands of dollars so if you sue me all you'll get is me declaring bankruptcy :-) Spoilers: anything Summary: Harm and Mac finally say what they really think about each other Email: twbird18@yahoo.com Author's note: Since I'm not sure where Cloe sleeps when she visits Mac, I've decided there must be an extra bedroom in Mac's apartment. Feedback Please! Do you want another part to this story? Or just leave it like it is? More importantly, what don't you like about the story and what can I do better?  
  
Previous Part:  
  
"I'm sorry, Harm. God, How do we let things get so mixed up? We're here now and we both have time. Maybe it's time we finally try to talk with both of us listening and not jumping to conclusions and then maybe we could figure out together how we're going to salvage you career again." I say.  
  
"Okay." Harm says taking a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin anymore."  
  
"Just say what's on you mind. Be honest." Mac articulated. "Keeping everything from each other is how we keep ending up in this mess."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Part 2  
  
'I'm sitting here looking at Harm in silence as he stares at the floor. We've been sitting here for a few minutes now. Clearly, one of us needs to say something to get us started. Say something; I command my mouth to open without even deciding what I'm going to say. "Let's start with something easy and see if we can't work are way up to other thing. Why did you come after me when the Admiral told you not to?"  
  
"Why? Lots of reasons Mac. The least of which is that I figured it was about time I returned the favor. How many times have you saved me?" Harm pauses for a second noticing that I'm about to answer that question, "Wait, don't answer that. Anyway, I knew you needed help and it didn't look like you were going to get any. I couldn't just leave you there.I had to come and help you."  
  
"So, you came to repay the favor?" 'Gee thanks Harm, just what I always wanted to here.' "Come on Harm. I thought we were going to be honest with each other. You didn't take the chance that you would no longer have your career just so you could pay me back for helping you before."  
  
"I am being honest. I'm always honest with me.you just don't always understand what I'm trying to say. When you asked me what I would sacrifice to have you, you didn't wait long enough to get my answer. This is my answer. I learned it from you. You would risk anything including your career, if it meant helping me. That's that favor I'm trying to repay. Having my career wouldn't mean a thing if you weren't there at JAG with me everyday." Harm said giving me a lopsided grin. "What I've learned from you is that life is only good if you have your friends there with you."  
  
"So, what you're saying is that you learned something from me, flyboy. Better not let your buddies here you say that." I say teasingly, returning Harm's smile.  
  
"I've learned a lot of things from you over the years, Mac. Too bad one of them is not how to make you understand what I say to you." Harm replied, the smile leaving his face, becoming serious once again.  
  
"Well, I guess you'll just have to keep trying, Harm. Maybe one day you'll learn how to speak English like the rest of us." I answer back trying to keep things from getting to serious.  
  
"I do speak English. I just thing that we don't always listen to what each other is say. I mean, only the two of us could have a serious conversation one day with me asking you to wait and you end up with a ring from another man a couple days later." Harm says seriously.  
  
I sigh, frowning slightly, not really wanting to talk about this again. "You didn't just ask me to wait like a normal man would Harm. You didn't say how you felt. You just said that I would have to wait. A girl can't wait forever for you to make up your mind. Besides, it's not like you just sit at home waiting for the right moment to come. Why shouldn't I have taken the opportunity to try to be happy." I stop talking realizing that I'm starting to sound defensive and I know that I didn't do anything wrong.  
  
"Relax, Mac. I'm just making a point. What I mean to say and what you hear from me are two completely different things. No wonder we can't get it right." Harm stops for a moment gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Let's forget about what happened in the past. I just want you to be sure that what you think I'm saying is actually what I'm saying, ok?" Harm asks.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I resigned to come after you because I knew that if it was me that is what you would do. You would have done whatever it took to help me because you care about me the way nobody else ever has." Harm says slowly, looking a little embarrassed. "I wanted you to know that is how I feel about you too. I tried to tell you before you left, but you didn't want to listen. I couldn't take the chance that you would die and think that I was a friend who had never really been worth all the effort you've put into our friendship. I know you think I haven't noticed, but I know that no matter what I said or how I was running from our friendship, you were always there waiting for me to come back. This time, you weren't waiting and you might not have made it back without my help, so I came."  
  
I smile at Harm, blinking back tears, but don't say anything, letting him finish what he has to say.  
  
"I should be holding up my side of our friendship. If I can't do that, then I should have let you go before. I know that it was my selfishness that kept you from being married now. Mic may not have been the love of your life, but even I could see that he loved you. He would have done whatever he could have to make you happy, but I couldn't even bring myself to be there for you at your wedding. I knew my quals would interfere with my ability to be there and I could have changed them, but I didn't. And then, instead of being there for you, my best friend, I was there for some woman I didn't even know for that long." Harm stops, looking at me to make sure I'm still with him before continuing. "What I'm trying to say, Mac, is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong before, but nothing I have now would mean anything to me if you weren't here to share it with me. That's why I resigned to come after you. I don't care about my career if you can't be there with me."  
  
"Oh Harm. Everything in the world is not your fault. I'm glad to hear that you finally realize who your best friend is, but everything that happened in the past didn't happen because you did something wrong. I could just have easily done something different. I could have turned Mic down. I could have waited after that night on the ferry. I could have come up to your apartment like you told me to even after I saw Renee there. I could have listened to you when you tried to talk to me this year. But I didn't do any of those things. I was hurt and I didn't want you to be able to hurt me any more. I have always known JAG wouldn't be the same without you, why do you think I cried when you left. Marines don't cry, but I knew even back then it wouldn't be the same if you weren't there." I pause for a second, trying to decide what to say next. "But Harm what if the Admiral can't give you your career back. We still won't be there together."  
  
"I'm not worried about that Mac. It's not important anymore, whether or not we get to work together. What's important is that we get to be together. It may have taken me years to realize what you already knew, but what I know now is that you're not just my best friend who I want to see every day and work with. " Harm takes a deep breath. "You're my best friend who I love and want to be with everyday, no matter where that is. I can't promise that I won't ever hurt you again, but I can promise that I will never hurt you on purpose Mac. Maybe the Admiral can make the right and we'll be able to keep working together at JAG but if he can't that's ok, as long as you're willing to take the chance that I'm finally ready for you."  
  
I look at Harm, the beginnings of a smile forming as I take in what he just said. 'I'm pretty sure Harm just said he loved me.' "Wait a second Harm.Go back to the part where you said I was your best friend again."  
  
Harm looks at me smiling, that grin that lights up his face and makes me want to do anything he asks me to. "I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I'm saying it so you won't have to figure out what I'm trying to say. I love you and it's more important to have you in my life than to be able to work at JAG." Harm breaks off momentarily, watching my reaction, but I'm not sure what kind of reaction he's expecting. "I always thought that when I was finally able to say the words I feel, I'd have to stop you from knocking me over or at least you'd say something." Harm teases, but still starting to look a little uncomfortable.  
  
'Harm loves me. I heard him say it. I didn't think he would ever be able to tell me how he felt.' I look wide eyed at Harm a moment longer before I realize that I should probably say something. After all the man I love finally told me he loved me. "Harm, I love you." I say scooting closer to him on the couch, my injuries preventing me from a more exuberant display. "I just didn't think you would ever say it to me." I manage to get out before Harm leans over slowly being careful of my injuries and kisses me, knocking every other thought out of my mind.  
  
Harm pulls back first, slowly letting go of me. "I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to tell you Sarah. I don't know why it was so hard for me to say it to you, except that I mean it. I don't know what's going to happen on Monday morning, but it doesn't matter as long as I have you. It's late. I know you have to be tired and it's probably time for you to take some more medicine. I'm going to head home, but I'll be back in the morning with breakfast when you wake up. Okay?"  
  
"Okay, Harm." I answer, a little surprised that he's not insisting on staying the night in Cloe's bed like he's done in the past, but now that's he's mentioned, too tired to really wonder about it. With a quick kiss goodbye, he was out the door.  
  
End 


End file.
